Written March 31st, 2015
We're still 2 months away from trying, but just knowing we're working our way towards having a hard date at TTC is making me giddy, nervous and so happy.
Now don't get me wrong, I haven't been this way until recently. Honestly, the last year has been a year of ups and downs when it came to this topic. I love kids, but frankly, having one has scared me ever since I can remember. Hearing from friends (and the internet) how expensive day care is, how uncomfortable pregnancy (and labor, yeesh, that one still freaks me out) can be, and the million things that can go wrong along the way, there were lots of times where I thought having kids maybe wasn't worth the trouble.
Then..... my mind changed. I started thinking for myself. Kids will always be expensive, pregnancy is tailored to the individual (I can only pray for an easy one), and there's always things that can go wrong, but that's just one side of it. The underlying theme to almost everything that I've heard or read is that yes, there are sacrifices and pain and long nights, but it's worth it. It's so, so worth it.
My mind changing was the last piece that needed to click into place. N's been ready this whole time. I can see it in the love he has for our nieces in nephews. The excitement he gets when helping the neighbor's daughters with a woodworking project. The way he would talk about our future children and his hopes and dreams for them already. As soon as I brought up that I had been thinking about us starting a family, and starting one soon, he was all in. Having his support and love was all I needed to be reminded that no matter what challenges come our way, we'll tackle them together.
I've always heard babies change your life, but I guess it's time to see it for ourselves.